Age is Just a Number

. . . so they say. And I’ve always believed that and still do. I mean I’ve been told numerous times that my personality is a lot older than twenty-three. . . I blame Mom on that one. I guess I just feel like this whole 20′s decade, even though it’s only been 3 years into it, has been full of confusion. I mean, is anyone else with me here??? I know that this is the time when we’re supposed to be finding ourselves and whatnot, but lately I’ve felt kind of. . lost. And if you’ve met my family, they’re not the best to turn to for advice AT ALL. And Johnny, who’s a guy (in case you didn’t know), is much more practical than I am, and very useful for most subjects as a source of advice. But when it comes to finding myself, it seems the only person I have to turn to is – go figure – myself. [And God, who's definitely playing a huge role in finding moi. But that's a whole other blog in itself that will come soon enough.]

Blah blah blah.

What’s in a name?

I feel that a song can be interpreted many different ways, depending on the person and how they feel it applies to their life. I chose this song because I felt it describes where I’m at in my life right now. And since the point of me starting this blog is to collect all the ridiculousness in my head, explaining the name seems like the best place to start. Lyrics, shall we?

I’ve been down and
I’m wondering why
These little black clouds
Keep walking around
With me
With me
It wastes time
And I’d rather be high
Think I’ll walk me outside
And buy a rainbow smile
But be free
They’re all free

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

I look around at a beautiful life
Been the upper side of down
Been the inside of out
But we breathe
We breathe
I wanna breeze and an open mind
I wanna swim in the ocean
Wanna take my time for me
All me

So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home
So maybe tomorrow
I’ll find my way home

I am not a sad person. Never really have been. Many times in my life I have found myself temporarily letting smaller issues get the best of me, but I generally love life and find happiness in even the smallest of things. I think that a big part of this song is sadness, and could easily be interpreted in a depressing manner. But the way I see it, it’s about someone that doesn’t want to waste time thinking about the sadness, or worries, and that the positive attitude they carry helps them to be free of it all, smile, and look at what a beautiful life they have. That being said, this is the definition of me, right now. I’ve been through experiences, good and bad, that have truly made me who I am today. But then again, haven’t we all?? But lately, I’ve been so overwhelmed by all the thoughts in my head and desperately need somewhere to put them all. So here I am. And forgive me, because I’ve never been a writer. So sometimes I won’t make sense. And they aren’t exactly negative thoughts either. I’ve just begun to realize that I have so much I feel and so much I want to say that I never do express. And that there are so many people who do not know me, or do know me but are confused as to why they can’t understand me. Ironically, I may never even share this blog or these thoughts with those people. But at least I’ll have somewhere to put them in an organized fashion.