[Written Monday morning, July 28, 2008]

My walk with God began when I was very young. . You know, the Christian pre-school, yearly VBS, growing-up-in-the-church kind of young.  I enjoyed the stories, loved the social time with friends, and my favorite was to sing in the youth choir and perform in the plays – yes, I know, I’ve changed QUITE a bit.  But I wasn’t getting the message.  I went to a local southern baptist ‘fire and brimstone’ church and was there every second the door was open.  I knew practically everyone there and had all the right ingredients shoved into me to make the perfect little Christian – and no, I don’t mean that in a sarcastic way.  But I was missing something.  I was just going through the motions, I wasn’t actually listening.  When we prayed, I put my head down and counted the lint on my shirt, or thought about what kind of exciting event would happen when I got to leave.  At no point in time did I ever develop a relationship with God.  Don’t get me wrong, I am truly grateful that the church was a huge part of my upbringing, but my church never felt like home.  So, in high school, after I moved from Canton to Woodstock, I branched out a little bit.  I visited a United Methodist church with Haley, a Penecostal church with Shae, Woodstock First Baptist with a family friend [whoa, that one was overwhelmingly big.], and finally a Nazarene church with Celestia.  I enjoyed them all, and found that the closest to ‘home’ for me was the Nazarene.  It was a small church, similar to what I was used to, and the youth group only had about 15 people at the time.  I loved it.  I volunteered in the nursery and once again, was there every time the door was open.  But I still never got it.  The message.  The relationship.  It was still just a social thing for me.  To this day, I can’t tell you what one sermon was about.  Not that I didn’t love the church, or that maybe it wouldn’t fit me better today, but it just didn’t do it for me then.

That was the last church I experienced up until well after my mom passed away in 2004.  You can imagine when something like that happens to someone so young in their life, saying that it makes a huge impact is an understatement.  All of the sudden, the real world applied to me.  Up until that moment, nothing bad every really happened in my life.  Sheltered, you could call me.  When my mom passed, it was the first person I had lost in my life other than 90-something year old relatives who have gotten to live full, exciting lives.  It was ‘natural’ to lose them.  But not my mom.  It still feels wrong.  Needless to say, after about a year later, when I seemed to pass the anger and denial stages, I began my journey on a search for religious fullfilment.  I began researching world religions.  I wanted to know everything I could about fulfilling that missing aspect of my life.  I wanted to understand life – and death.  And I wanted so badly to stop being so afraid of my future and what happens when we die.

I attended North Point Community Church [www.northpoint.org] for the first time sometime in 2006 with Johnny.  Actually, we went to Browns Bridge in Cumming (a partner church) and then came to North Point.  I didn’t know what to think.  Aside from Woodstock First Baptist, this was the largest church I had ever stepped foot in.  [And recently found out that it is actually in the 'megachurch' category.]  Not to mention the culture shock when you throw a hymn-singing southern baptist girl into a concert-like worship  complete with lights.  It intimidated me, to say the least.  But the sermon spoke to me.  I cried that day – and fight back tears every single Sunday.  Andy Stanley, along with every other guest speaker I’ve heard, simply have a way of communicating God’s word so that everyone understands, and it even seems to apply to all.  I’ve always ENJOYED North Point, but up until this past Sunday, never acted upon my desire to get more involved – partially because this ‘megachurch’ is utterly intimidating. . and we all know I’m already shy to start with.  But I guess Louie Giglio’s message got me. [Will write a blog soon about it.]  I went home that night and vowed to myself to make a change.  I didn’t want to live in fear anymore.  I didn’t want to hold myself back.  And I didn’t want to by SHY!  =)  Last night, and this morning, I genuinely PRAYED.  This is a huge step for me because I always grew up with the thought that I didn’t need to bother God with my problems, that there were others with much bigger and more important issues.  I mean, I prayed in thanks – for food, for beautiful days, for my family and friends – but never with any problems.  I know now, that of all times, this is when I should turn to him most!!!!  So obviously, this daily prayer routine that I’ve taken up is a little bit awkward for me!  But I FEEL better.  SO much better.  I’m developing that relationship with God that I have always wanted.  I’m finally walking with Him!

I signed up to voluteer for UpStreet today.  (UpStreet is the K-5th grade Sunday youth groups at NPCC)  I’m now looking into Starting Point for my own small group.  I’ve wanted to get involved at North Point since the first day I came.  I know how silly it is to even be saying that out loud, but it’s such a huge step for me and I’m honestly surprised that I did it!!  But every sermon I’ve ever heard has touched my heart.  The messages and experiences I’ve had at North Point have made this huge church – a place that’s completely out of my element – feel like home.  And I can’t let me fears and intimidation of the size of my church continue to hold me back from what I know in my heart I want to do.  I know this is the next step in my ever-growing relationship with God – to overcome my fears and humble myself to become the person I want to be for myself and for Him.  So ya’ll bear with me please, I’m still learning and hope that I’m at least expressing myself fully because it’s all so different and new for me!!! 

Love ya’ll lots!

P.S. I encourage ANYONE who might be interested in joining me for a service to never hesitate.  I mean, that is exactly how I got to this point today, visiting North Point with friends.  Someone invited me and now I want to do the same.  Getting back involved in church, and specifically this one, is changing my life towards everything I’ve ever wanted to be.

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